Losing Control…

You know the feeling. Just when you think you nailed a presentation, someone says "Yes ... BUT," and you realize you left out an essential. At least that’s what happened to me last month.

At the end of my presentation, Barbara, an advisor in the first row raised her hand and said, "I can see it’s important to get the emotions out of investing and that asking questions to uncover my clients' investment wiring is the way to do it, ... BUT ... how in the world can I get clients and prospects to talk at that intimate a level?"

Not having a ready answer, I did what any experience presenter would do. I stalled. "Good question." "Goes right to the heart of the issue."

Then the conversation began.

We agreed there are some people to whom we open up and some who shut us down. So we asked ourselves: wherein lies the difference? Then we started trading ideas.

• I kicked it off: “The people I trust are credible. So one way to create trust is to establish your credibility. When you are credible, people not only listen, they trust and talk.”
  
  
• Bill brought up the old saying about making more friends in a month of being interestED than in a life time of trying to be interestING.
  
  
• Then Walt talked about the importance of being sincere. “I'm not a good enough actor to fake it. So I have to really care.”
  
  
• I pulled a page out of my training seminar, The Speaking Intensive, and talked about getting the attention off yourself and products and putting it on your “audience,” the client.
  
  
• Barbara, the advisor who started it all, blurted out: “Who made us the judge?” She went on to explain that clients shut down if they think they are being judged or manipulated.
  
  
• “Being too salesy will shut a client down,” commented Karl. “Clients will zap an advisor who sells too hard faster than they mute the commercials on television. I start slowly and tell them they should ‘kick my tires’ and make sure they are comfortable with me.”
  
  
• I talked about clients and prospects being more open with advisors with whom they have something in common. “So stay alert for places where you can say ‘me, too.’ It could be you both went to Yale or are both college dropouts, belonged to the same sorority, are members of the same service club, root for some sports team or love opera. It might just be that you are both having trouble with your teenagers.” In the grand scheme, such associations may be meaningless, but in our relatively rootless society, they provide connection and connection builds trust.
  
  
• “Bravo,” Bill interjected. “But don’t get tied up in small talk and don’t make stuff up to manipulate people.”

The conversation turned into a debate…

…as soon as Frank offered, “I like using questions because they put me in control of the conversation. I pick the topics and direct where we’re going.”

“That’s old school!” boomed Ron’s previously unheard voice. “Using questions to control the conversation comes out of the transaction model. As advisors we want to learn about our clients. That means letting go of control.”

“How so?” said I.

Ron went on. “Control is the essential difference between closed and open ended questions. Closed end questions get short simple answers, often just a yes or no. They give you control, but they don’t yield much information. That’s why trial lawyers like them. A lawyer’s duty is to win the case, not necessarily to uncover the whole truth. But as an advisor, I want to learn the “whole truth and nothing but the truth” about my clients. So I use closed ended questions to get the simple facts and open ended questions to get them talking about their hopes, dreams, attitudes and feelings. That’s how I build long term relationships that work for everyone involved.”

“That makes sense but it’s outside my comfort zone,” said Walt. “I started in industrial sales and every course they put us through talked about controlling the sales process. If I start asking my clients open ended questions there’s no telling where it might take me.”

No doubt about it. When you ask clients questions like David Richman and I suggest in Questions Great Financial Advisors Ask ..., clients can take the conversation wherever they want.

There’s no way to say “yes” or “no” to:

• What has been your past experience with investing?
• How do/did your parents feel about money?
• How did you build your business, career or practice?
• What are you trying to accomplish with your investments?

But asking questions like that may be the only way to really learn about your clients so you can help them get and keep control of their financial lives.

Get control by giving it up. What a concept!

Copyright 2006 Alan J. Parisse

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Alan Parisse’s bi-monthly column for Annuity Super Producer, 1:1, addresses questions to ask clients, ways of establishing crediblity, ideas for building client trust, methods for improving listening skills, and more.

For over twenty years, Alan Parisse has helped financial advisors, executives and managers enhance both their service to clients and their income.
He is internationally respected for his insights into the impact of the changing, global economy on investment cycles and financial marketing. Alan’s clients include a wide variety of industry and governmental organizations. In high demand, Parisse has been a keynote speaker for a long list of securities firms, insurance companies and banks. In addition, he has been a guest lecturer at the Stanford Business School, UC Berkeley Graduate School of Business, UCLA Graduate School of Management and the University Of Pennsylvania Wharton School Of Business.

An accomplished author, Parisse’s ideas have been quoted in numerous business publications, including: The Wall Street Journal, Business Week and Barron’s.

Parisse’s speeches, webinars, podcasts and landmark audio program, The Great Salesperson, continue to help ease the transition from a product based transaction-oriented system to one based on relationships and value added advice. His new book, Questions Great Financial Advisors Ask and Investors Need to Know, co-authored with David Richman, goes the next step by providing the tools necessary to create the dialogues needed to serve clients in today’s demanding marketplace. Published by Kaplan Trade, it is available at AMAZON.com.

The information and strategies Parisse shares are the culmination of a career dedicated to finding new ways to harness the forces of change and shape the future. Parisse’s insights come from years on the front lines as an executive, investment banker and salesperson. During his career, he was instrumental in the creation, marketing and sales of investments valued in the billions of dollars.

Alan Parisse, MBA, CSP, CPAE
Principle
The Parisse Group
1630 30th Street, PMB 310
Boulder, CO 80301

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